The Good, The Bad, The Ugly Truth Of Breastfeeding

Well it’s no secret to anyone who knows me that I did breastfeed my daughter. I had decided early on in my pregnancy that this was going to be my only option. I wanted to give her all of the health benefits as well as save some money. My mother in law was a huge part in my decision, I won't say that she pressured me but I did feel pressure from her to do it. But not just from her but from the people around me. My own mom was not a supporter of this and had different views as to my choice. Some women just don't understand the want to breastfeed and view it in a different light. However I wasn't going to let this change my decision. So it was set I was going to be a nursing mom.

I'd like to say that everything was wonderful and it was easy from the get go but I'd be telling you one huge ass lie. Breastfeeding is hard and it can be painful if not done properly. Yes it’s a bonding experience and all that blah blah blah. But what they don't tell you is it just might not work at first. It didn't with my daughter and me, for three weeks I spent countless hours pumping away. I pumped and had to supplement with formula here and there. I wasn't going to give up until I tried every trick in the book and I’m not kidding when I say a breastfeeding guide sat on my coffee table for the first 6 months of my daughter’s life. I felt like a failure, it wasn't working for me; it took a full 7 days before my milk even came in. At the time it was a nightmare. I had people all over telling me that Bella had nipple confusion and well maybe she did maybe she didn't, but I could pump or use formula in any bottle with any nipple and she would eat. It took me three weeks to get Bella to latch on, most people really would have given up before this but I was bound and determined that I would try and do everything I possibly could to nurse her. If I wasn’t able to do it I wanted everyone around me knowing damn well I tried everything!

Yeah I've got her latching on things are great right? Nope!  I had her latching on wrong and it was the most painful thing I've ever had to sit though. Bella was in the middle of a growth spurt she was attached to me most of the day. Nipples were cracked and I had to curl my toes every time she fed just to control the pain. But you know what? I kept looking for information and trying new tactics and eventually I got things to work pain free but I was afraid to leave the house. (OK so since we're being honest here from about 18 to 22 I flashed my boobs everywhere but now that I was a mom and several years older I didn't want anyone to see them or me) I was embarrassed. It took me a long time to overcome this and feel comfortable nursing around other people. I was one who covered up. I didn't want people looking at me feeling uncomfortable and I wanted to feel comfortable.

It took me some time but what began as a nightmare soon became that wonderful bonding experience I had been hearing about. I gave myself a time limit of a year and I made the year mark. I actually continued to nurse her until she was a little over a year and a half. I'm very proud of myself for never giving up and fighting every step of the way to figure out a way to make this work for my daughter and myself.

 I had given her all of the health benefits of nursing. However my daughter does have food allergies, she is allergic to peanuts, has season allergies, highly allergic to cats and dogs, and allergic to Timothy Grass. At one point after finding out about her peanut allergy I did question myself. What the hell was the point of nursing if my daughter ended up with allergies after all? The point was that it was a wonderful experience, I had to fight for it and all though she has a food allergy I don't regret my decision at all!

It’s not a choice for everyone, but that’s the glory of it. It’s a choice that we as women can choose for ourselves. You should never be made to feel uncomfortable or wrong for choosing what works best for you and your child. So you formula feed great, you breastfeed good, as long as you’re feeding your child that's really what should matter. I now know that if I had reached out for help instead of being embarrassed things wouldn't have been so hard. There are agencies out there exactly for this, you can demand a lactation specialist, you can ask for help!

Do you know someone who is planning to nurse or having trouble with it? Share this with her. The more you know about making this commitment the better you'll be prepared when things aren’t working just right.