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What to expect when you have twins…

As a first time dad of twins, I had no idea what to expect. I can tell you that the last two years of raising these little monsters has been challenging and rewarding but mostly challenging. From the first day they were born when one stopped breathing in the hospital that night for a few seconds, it felt like minutes, apparently this is normal with a “C” section my wife says... I don’t know if this is true but if she said so, it’s true... So the first time they fell off the couch on my watch… He was all right just screamed bloody murder for a few minutes... no one was home so that one really didn’t happen… Now my all-time favorite, the infamous, where did all the bath toys go?? So I’m giving my twins a bath, they were still not mobile enough to crawl out but they could hold their own in 4 inches of bath water… I’m lying on the bed which is literally 5 feet from the door to the bathroom playing angry bird listen to them splash around and talk in their twin talk… After I had knocked down the kingdom with the bird that splits into three, I call for the wife to help me wrestle the little guys out of the tub and start the final leg of our long day which includes getting them in their jams, teeth brushing, a little song and dance, and then bed! As I’m empting the tub, I start to pull out all their tub toys and notice there are not as many as usual. I just assume that they are somewhere else or the wife moved them, I really didn’t know where they were at that point, I had just knocked down some crazy kingdom with this little bird and was now ready to get these guys put in bed for the night so we could get on with our night. Dinner is going and I’m watching something like hell’s kitchen or duck dynasty when I hear my wife laughing in the back room. She calls for me and I go in the bedroom reluctantly because after all, I just opened a beer and was watching some TV, nonetheless, I go into the bathroom where the kids just were and to my surprise, we have a toilet full of tub toys. The little monsters managed to lift the lid, throw all the toys they could into the toilet, and shut the lid without me hearing this... It looked like a little swimming pool for play toys, all red, yellow purple, you know toy colors... Well you know who had to retrieve them all and I can tell you it wasn’t the wife. At the end of the day the kids are great, my wife puts up with my shenanigans, and the routine of having twins continues. For all you singleton parents, you have no clue what it’s like being a parent of multiples…